Loveless: A Male-Male Forbidden Romance by C.L. Matthews

Author:C.L. Matthews [Matthews, C.L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: C.L. Matthews
Published: 2020-08-20T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Seven

TEXAS

Fate. A four-letter word. Something out of the control of all parties involved.

Happenstance. A twelve-letter word. Something that just seemed to happen.

Both have similar traits. One defines Devin and me, and the other is the bar. It just so happened to have occurred there. Maybe all this time that I was alone, lost, and unable to control my future was fate working for me. That run-in with Prim on a random sad afternoon, a domino in the race of life.

Now, me being caught and kicked out, it’s all falling into place for some reason.

Maybe I’m meant to be happy.

To find love and peace in a man.

Maybe I’m not sick or broken, just lost. Lost until my bartender found me.

Last door on the right, he told me. I open the door. He wanted me to come in here, and I can see why. Devin’s room is black and smoky, all full yet empty. There’s something missing from the space, a disposition I understand. He’s been isolated for years. It shows in the lack of pictures on the charcoal gray walls and the way his black sheets are fitted and topped with a black comforter, showing no color or life.

Someone with a vibrant daughter reflects how my soul feels inside perfectly. I’m smiling yet still feeling somber, seeing how alone he must feel on a daily basis.

Making my way around the room, I pass his massive closet that could be its own room before spotting the bathroom. My hands meet the brass of the knob, and when it opens, the huge room inside takes my breath away. Dad and I lived a small life, less than comfortable but not bad enough to be entirely miserable. This bathroom alone is the size of my living room back at home. It has a huge shower that could fit five people, a huge tub possibly with jets, I don’t know, and a double sink vanity. I’ve never seen anything so elegant in person.

Everything is colored black and white, cool tones, and all modern. I swear my dick jumps out at this. Didn’t realize that could happen. It’s probably the visual of what I just did with Devin and what I could easily see myself doing to him in this bathroom.

The thought rots soon, turning into negativity like all my thoughts tend to do.

Is this the same bathroom his wife was in? My stomach cramps. You know that feeling of melancholy, the one that comes regardless of knowing all the facts, just for the sake of your heart getting in the way? That’s me. My mind. How much I allow myself to believe I don’t deserve to be happy.

I’m very aware that he doesn’t enjoy women. It’s obvious that there are only men in his heart and mind, but knowing he could have and possibly did live here his entire marriage, raising Prim and loving her makes me very sad. Very fucking depressed, really. Did they fuck in here and in that room?

Stop, I chastise myself.

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